So much of our lives revolve around relationships. And making music is one of the most challenging ways to communicate with others, since it requires us to be vulnerable and share the most intimate regions of our hearts with everyone around – both strangers and people we know very well.

When we're not feeling safe, our brain does what's logical: it organizes our system to do whatever it takes to protect us from harm.

In short, we go on alert, into a “Startle” pattern (or “fight-flight-freeze-fawn” response), so that we're on the lookout, hyper-attuned to potential dangers. One way we do this is to put up physical and emotional barriers to keep us from feeling pain.

The problem is, when our system goes into a startle pattern, we're preventing ourselves from feeling the full extent of our emotions. Which is OK up to a point – because then we don't have to feel the pain of negative emotions triggered by events and people around us.

Unfortunately, this reaction also blocks out positive, constructive, and loving feelings, too. Which doesn't really work when you're onstage, wanting to be yourself onstage, performing passionate music at your best.

The tension created by blocking out painful emotions also blocks out pleasurable feelings, and the physical tension makes it harder for your body to relax and feel good while making music.

It becomes harder for you to feel the FULL RANGE of emotions inside the music you want to express, and you aren't able to get them across to your audience the way you WANT to feel them.

When your system is blocked by tension, it's also harder to move your body in a way that flows with the music. It's harder to move and be moved, and it's harder to move your audience.

What you need to learn is how to recognize:

* when your system is reacting to events or people around you;