I am… or WAS… I prefer to think of myself as a *recovering* people-pleaser now! How about you?
As a musician, you want to get along with your colleagues, impress judges and donors, please your students, make great music that brings joy to your audiences… and make your family happy while you’re at it. Of course, you also want to enjoy practicing and performing for yourself, too. 🎵
These are all wonderful motivators to do excellent work, but what a lot of ‘wants’ to balance!
⚠️ When keeping the people in your life happy becomes more important than caring for and nourishing yourSelf, you have a real problem.
People-pleasers believe in making other people happy by putting others first, and often put themselves last – or they believe that’s what they should be doing, anyway.
You may have been taught this somewhere along the way, by parents, caregivers, educators, or friends. You might think this way of living will deliver ‘good karma points’ for a happier afterlife, or that it just makes you a better person here and now. 😇
❓But is it REALLY the best course of action to put others first? 🤨
When you consider the “airline psychology” of “put your oxygen mask on before helping your neighbor with theirs”, or the Biblical verse advising us to “first take the log out of your own eye” so you can better see how to help others, it doesn’t make a whole lot of sense to be a people-pleaser.
And yet, most of the musicians I know – and most of my clients when we first meet – ARE trying to please others before considering their own needs and well-being. And when those desires clash, it’s usually the ‘other’ that wins (but not really). These are all smart, wonderful people – kind and considerate – but when people-pleasing becomes a default habit, and the Self is routinely ignored, neglected, invalidated, unheard, or denied, it is literally unhealthy. ☠️
❌ Not only does people-pleasing make us frustrated and gradually unhappier over time, but it can also be an important underlying cause of physical pain… and it can negatively impact your artistry.
👉 Denying yourSelf prioritizes the outward over the inward. Suppressing your heart’s desires and your truest needs increases stress and muscular tension, and puts pressure on your whole system, whether you’re aware of this in the moment or not (and we’re usually not).
Over time, this internalized stress blocks creative flow, and it causes energy to stagnate. This interference with our natural energy increases pain and suffering sooner or later, it slows down the healing process, and it makes free musical expression more difficult.
Gradually, it becomes harder and scarier to open up and express who you truly are when you’re overly concerned with pleasing others and living up to external standards. 😭
🔥 The truth is, you’ll never be able to give your TRUE BEST to anybody else (or your instrument) when you’re doing it from a place of self-denial, overriding your best instincts and inner wisdom, which always knows what’s best BOTH for you AND for others. ☯️
If you’re like most musicians, you want to be free, creative and spontaneous. You want to enjoy the music you’re making AND you want others to enjoy it, as well. Well, there is a better and easier way to achieve this without people-pleasing, which actually allows you to “have your cake and eat it, too”! 🍰
My Art of Freedom® Method teaches you to recognize very quickly (on Day 1, actually), how the way you’re thinking impacts your body and your emotions – for better or for worse. And you quickly come to realize how your people-pleasing tendencies are hurting you – even while you think you’re doing the right thing by putting others first.
Based on the universal principles of the Alexander Technique and the practice of hands-free Primal Alexander™, my method delivers a step-by-step process that allows you to open up to a whole new way of being and making music that includes both you AND the environment, for the ultimate benefit of yourself and everyone else. Your health and your music improve as a result. 🌈
By practicing a quick and simple series of Awareness Etudes on a consistent, daily basis (just a few minutes a day!), you’ll learn how to put yourself first in a way that brings you more calm, ease, and energetic flow, and you’ll bring purpose, focus, and confidence to your practice, teaching, and performance.
Not only that, but you’ll soon discover that you’ll be able to help your students relax and learn faster, too, as they become more present and efficient in their own practice.
When you aren’t wasting energy worrying about what other people might think, and you don’t care so much whether they’re going to like you or not, you will finally have time and space for your best creative – and healing – ideas to flow. And – surprise! People LOVE that!! 🥰
The powerful mind-body skills you’ll learn will..
✅ heal your body faster, naturally and from the inside, by letting go of excess tension and stress
✅ make you a better artistic collaborator because you’ll be able to listen better to the deeper needs of others, and respond with more sensitivity
✅ allow you to make quick decisions that are in everyone’s best interest, not just somebody else’s
✅ learn how to say ‘no’ in a healthy way AND ‘yes’ in a healthy way, because you are more conscious, alert, and discerning.
✅ finally feel “good enough” and empowered to go for your dreams without fear and constantly second-guessing yourself.
In my experience, open, loving, flexible, responsive, caring human beings make the best musicians and teachers.
The Art of Freedom Method teaches you EXACTLY how to cultivate these qualities and apply them to the most general and highly specific aspects of musical technique and life as a musician. The best part of all… it is SO easy to do, and SO quick to learn… because it’s already in you, just waiting to be liberated.
If you want to learn more about The Art of Freedom® Method and how it can help you out of pain and suffering in a way that makes perfect sense, AND make stellar music with confidence, ask me about my next program for musicians in pain, beginning in July. Message me here or email me at Jennifer@ArtofFreedom.me to ask about ‘Tame that Pain NOW! Play Smarter and Feel Better in 30 Days’. There is limited availability, so message me now to save your spot! Special bonuses for early registration. Got questions? Message me! 🙂